Hello table family and welcome. I hope you still feel welcome here. I know it has been so very long since I’ve posted and I’m so sorry for that. I’ve had a lot to process and wasn’t sure how to sort it all out. But let’s pray first okay?
Father in Heaven, would You help me to say what I need to say and would You help those who are reading hear it with ears to hear Your words. In Jesus name, Amen.
In my last post, I told you that there was a possibility of a breast cancer diagnosis. So much has transpired since then. I have much to ponder and pray about.
On April 6, 2021; I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. We believed it to be a fairly early stage and no Chemotherapy would be needed. A lumpectomy and possible radiation were the perceived plan of action. That has changed.
We now know that I have a slow growing tumor but an aggressive form of cancer and we must begin treating it with Chemotherapy to keep it from spreading to my Lymph Nodes and subsequently other parts of the body. We found this out so abruptly and had to make some difficult decisions very quickly. I feel as though I haven’t had time to catch my breath before the next realizations begin setting in.
I’ve stepped down from all my positions at church and must reevaluate my priorities. God has already laid another title for a book on my heart even though I haven’t finished the first one yet. I feel it’s time to set that one aside for the time being and let God teach me in this season of life.
When I was in the torchers waiting time between biopsy and results… I lay awake at 2:00 a.m. with tears brimming my eyes.
“Is this really happening Lord?” I whispered.
“Are you willing to carry this for Me?” He whispered back.
I thought that would be an easy question to answer, but I didn’t reply right away. After several minutes, I let the flood of tears come and I replied “I’m willing Lord.”
I had to really search my heart for that answer.
My Doctor delivered the news to me personally from his cell phone while sitting in his car. He told me we would get through this together and he would be there every step of the way. Praise God for the blessing of a caring Doctor. He gave me permission to go ahead on my vacation with my husband and we had a fabulous time! We made great memories and I was able to cross Parasailing off my bucket list. We laid on the beach, ate lunch on our seventeenth story balcony over-looking the Gulf, and took sunset walks along the shore line while the ocean water swallowed our feet from time to time. It was magical.
Now the hard work begins. I am calling this my “cancer excavation” as I will be unearthing many things about myself, cancer, God and many more things. I am asking with complete humility for you, my treasured table family, to keep your seats at the table. I will post as often as I am able. I am trying to let go of time-honored commitments and planned events as I don’t yet know how I will handle Chemo treatments. I plan to try and blog about this excavation when I can in hopes that it will bring comfort to someone on their own excavation.
This doesn’t have to be a cancer diagnosis but just something that is difficult to walk through. That will look different for everyone. I am struggling with the thought of losing my hair and the changes my body will go through but I am resting in the arms of my Savior.
I hope to be writing more then I was before but I will have to base it on how I am feeling. I thank you for understanding this most unexpected twist in my life story. My prayer is that I will represent God well on this excavation and it will help to lead others to Jesus. Would you keep that in prayer for me?
God be with each of you on your own excavations and please don’t hesitate to let me know how I can be praying for you. Love to you all!