Ever Felt Sorry For Yourself

Hi all. I hang my head a little and ask humbly that you would still have a seat at my table. Let me start with prayer…

       Father in Heaven, I ask Lord that to spite my feelings of inferiority, you would bless these words. I ask that even though I waded in the pool of self-pity and denied my responsibility to the ministry You graciously and trustingly gave me; these words will still hold value for who reads them. Grow this ministry Father, in only the ways You can. In Jesus name, Amen.

       Some of you may have noticed that there was no post last week. This was due to my feelings of “not enough”. I felt as though I was offering nothing of value to anyone in my words. I felt like they weren’t reaching anyone so why bother putting them out there?

       The book I’m currently reading is all about the power of our words and I simply felt like my words had no power. You know what I discovered? They don’t!

       My words alone hold no power in and of themselves at all. It is God alone who gives them power. This caused me to rethink my position in writing. If I’m writing to gain followers and read comments and reap accolades, then I’m writing for entirely wrong reasons.

       From when I started writing, my dream has remained steady… that the words I would write had the ability to move people, to help people, and to bring comfort to people. In the beginning I’ll admit that I felt like I had a little something to prove. I somehow felt as though I had to be an example in the disability community to show that we had just as much capability and value in the non-disabled community. To be the disability super heroine if you will. I needed to be needed.

       But there is a verse that comes to mind when I feel this way…

1 Corinthians 5:6 “Your boasting is not good; do you not know that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?” (ESV)

       This leads me in the thoughts that perhaps my lump, AKA, this ministry, is being leaven with pridefulness. If I am writing for the reasons, I mentioned above… moving, helpfulness, comfort… then I keep writing for those reasons. However, if I begin the process of feeling like I’m not getting something back from it then it becomes about me. I definitely do not want this ministry to be about me. If I am obedient to God’s calling to write then the results are completely up to Him. My job is to simply write. Right? (pun intended)

       Maybe you needed this reminder today too. If you feel like you are not making any difference where you are right now, just keep being obedient to God and He will do the rest. It can be difficult if we don’t see tangible evidence of what we are doing. But keep clinging to the knowledge that if God called you to a task, He will have a purpose for it and for you doing it. Trust His process and stand on His words for strength.

       Be blessed friends and I’ll see ya next week 😉     

One thought on “Ever Felt Sorry For Yourself

  1. Hi cindi
    Have been following your blog for over two years now. You have always been so real and candid in your writing. We are still here reading your work.
    Don’t give up on your dream of writing. Nothing that is blessed by God goes wasted.
    Keep writing, my friend!


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