Well I guess after taking a break there was bound to be a little glitch. My apologies for the post that went out this morning. Here is the updated version for you… hope you like it.
Father in Heaven, may the lessons You’ve been teaching me be evident in these words. In Jesus name, Amen.
Oh my dear readers, how good it feels to be writing to you again. I have you all in my mind as I write this. I pray that someone will glean what God desires you to glean from this post.
You know now that my hearts dream and desire of moving south that appeared to be coming true, is no longer happening. Oh how my heart is broken over this realization. It bleeds and cries for this loss.
Some may feel like this is a bit extreme, but I’d like to give some context to why this has been so devastating. I will use sensitivity to others while trying to shed some light on my heartbreak. I have been learning a lot through this process and I hope it helps someone else too. I’m thinking this may be like a three part series. There is simply to much to put into one post. I want to respect my readers time and keep my posts reasonable in length. So here we go… part 1— Finding Out…
My husband had been in Florida for a couple weeks and getting a little stressed out with trying to find a place that would work for our unique needs. Not all rental homes accept pets. We have a cat and a dog. There were lots of apartments that were pet friendly, but this posed a problem for me. Depending on what floor we would be on, getting my pooch out to do her business and back to the right apartment would be a challenge.
For those of you who don’t know… I’m blind.
The last thing I needed was more challenges. However, if this what God was asking, then I knew He would work out the details. But alas, this wasn’t coming together as we’d hoped. Rent was higher then originally told to us. So we already started the first thoughts of this not working out. But we held onto what we felt like was a God sanctioned open door.
Then my husband began seeing aspects of the job that weren’t lining up with his “letter of intent to hire” had specified. He kept a positive attitude that it was just because he was new and had to go through that probationary period. But after conversations with others, he learned that not much would be changing. This too added another seed of doubt for our dream to come together. But we still held on.
The financial side of things began to rear it’s ugly head and we learned that some of the things we intended to get rid of to reduce our monthly output, was now expected to be held onto. Thus creating more bills then we counted on to make this work. Strike three. The realization of our dreams coming to an end was more then I could bare.
My family had been separated for almost a month by this point. I know some folks live this way on the daily, but we are not among this hardy group. I respect our military families a little more now. I wanted my husband and I to be living in the same house again. I remember saying to Jeremy not three or four days before all this happened that I didn’t care if it was here or there, I just wanted us all back together again. Hmm, if I had known what that would mean…
There was never really that moment of saying out loud “ok, this isn’t going to work. Do we agree that I’ll be coming home this weekend?” That conversation didn’t take place. We just somehow silently came to that understanding together.
I walked through my house looking at all the progress I had been making to prepare for our dream to come true. Boxes were stacked up in the dining room, art work was standing up against the wall together, my empty china hutch, my bare coffee and end tables in the living room. My heart sank and my tears rose up. I had an impulse to just lash out and start smashing the glass doors of my hutch. Y’all I was heart sick, tear filled, not thinking straight kinda upset.
Now rest assured that I did not act on this impulse. My hutch doors are completely in tact. In fact my glassware and crystal platters are safely back in place. I have more room in there now too since I purged so much in anticipation of moving.
As I unpacked each box, returning everything to it’s former place, a tear christened each knick-knack, forever staining it with my disappointment. I know this seems very extreme, but I will be explaining why in the next post. I just wanted to give you all the facts as it were for now.
Until the next post, I ask you to do a little homework assignment. Envision yourself with a life altering disability (if you don’t actually have one) and think of what it would mean to gain some independence after a lifetime of dependence. This will broaden your understanding of this for next week. I know it’s difficult to do if you don’t know what it would really be like but I think our imaginations can give us a pretty good insight.
I look forward to sharing more next week. This has been life changing for me in many ways and I believe God wants me to share it with others. I hope you’ll come and grab your seat at the table. Blessings to you my valued and treasured readers.