Facing My Demons

I’m not a big fan of Halloween anymore since giving my life to the Lord. However, when I was younger, I used to love to go to haunted houses and corn mazes and all the community events celebrating Halloween. Just a couple years into our marriage, my husband and I went to said haunted house one year with some friends of ours. They were about the same age as we were and REALLY got into all the festivities. Their house was decorated for Halloween like most people decorate for Christmas. Even their dog had a costume.

We grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed off to be scared half to death. We drove about forty-five minutes to “the scariest haunted house in the state” and waited in the long line to get in. It was an old hotel style building with four or five floors to go through. Complete with a shaky and rattling elevator. Let me add here that I am in real life scared to death of elevators, or rather getting stuck in one. So, of course, as planned, the elevator stops and a big “CHANG” sound is heard. Oh my! Well in order for the lines to keep moving, it was a short-lived prank… thankfully. Moving on we entered a room with people in scary masks and make-up at the far side of the room. I couldn’t see them very well so that part was told to me and as long as they stayed on the far side, I was fine. That was not to be. All in one big blur, I found myself on the same side of the room as the monsters and I was kind of trapped in a corner. I was covering my face, crouched on the floor, and screaming my fool head off. I remember peaking my eyes open for just a moment and one of the monsters was right in my face. Demonic eyes, black stringy hair, and the evilest smile I’ve ever imagined. Returning my hands over my eyes and screaming even louder (if that were possible) I remained crouched and helpless. Just then I felt the floor pivot and the wall I was against spin to the side. All was quiet. I removed my hands from my face and could see nothing… total darkness. I put my hands out to feel anything in front of me. I discovered by feeling along the walls that I was in a little pie shaped room. I only had to lean forward to touch the other side of the room so it was pretty small in there. I will mention that I am claustrophobic. Not knowing what was going on and being in a tiny room was… well… challenging for me to say the least.

Meanwhile, my husband was back on the other side of the wall where I had been and yelling to the workers that I was blind and there was no way I was going to find my way out. His fear grew when no one seemed to hear him. I began pounding on the wall so someone knew I was there. I didn’t think this was part of the plan because nothing was happening. It was silent. No monsters, no scary music, nothing. I was alone with my fear and darkness. Isn’t that where the devil would like us to be? Afraid and seemingly alone? No one to hear us cry for help, no one to rescue us or even know that we are trapped behind a wall. A wall of depression, a wall of hurt, a wall of betrayal, a wall of anxiety, a wall of defeat, a wall of disability. We can feel like no one hears us. Oddly enough, I only have two friends with any sort of disability. One of them is completely independent and the other has vision loss like I do. But it can feel very lonely when most of the people you spend time with are not disabled in any way. It can feel like you are behind a wall and can’t get out from behind it. The devil does not want us to call on God for anything, he would rather you feel completely alone and helpless.

I pounded and pounded on the walls and no one heard, when I finally said Lord please help me, the wall next to me opened with just a small section of light and probably a one foot opening for me to get out. A worker finally heard my husband and came to rescue me. I cried out to the Lord as my husband cried out for help for me. The opening didn’t have to be huge for me to escape the darkness. I still couldn’t see that well where he was leading me but I took his arm and he lead me to safety. We don’t have to see the end result of where God is leading us, just take His arm and let Him lead you out of the darkness. Even if it doesn’t seem like it’s a big enough opening, God will get you through it when you take His arm and trust. Jerimiah 29:11 says, “’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”. God desires to have us come out of the dark places we are trapped in, call on Him, call on Him and believe that He will rescue you from the claustrophobic spaces that we get stuck in. Imagine stepping out of a very small room into fresh air, light and an open space. This is what it means to give those fears and hurts over to God. Let Him pull you out from behind the wall.


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