For so many years I have gone under the radar of being picked for something. You know, like when I was in junior high and I was the last to be picked for the kick-ball team, last to be picked for volleyball, last to be picked for field hockey. Then came high school and no one wanted the girl with the weird eye thing to be a cheerleader and no guy would be caught dead going to prom with said eye thing girl. No one wants to have to always be the one to drive when we go out so let’s just not invite her. A lifetime of not being chosen for things can leave some pretty ugly scars. Then when you are pursued by a young man who chose you out of any other girl he might meet that isn’t legally blind, well, it’s only natural to cling to him no matter what… right? Then you quickly learn that you were simply easier to manipulate with all the pretty words that don’t mean anything after the bruises and life altering injuries.
With so much rejection and questions of value, it’s not to hard to imagine and empty love cup. I mean the kind of empty that is like dusty, crumpled up, smashed and trashed, blowing in the wind kind of empty. This is how many people can feel over and over again throughout their lifetime. I certainly have. Words like “chosen” or “valued” or “cherished” can seem like a language in which we’re not affluent. We long to hear these words, we long to know that someone feels those things about us. Oh friends, I long to hear those words and believe that they could be felt about me. God has me on a journey of discovering that He feels that way about me. I’m chasing a dream of bringing God’s truth of endless and abounding love for all who want it… I need to understand it’s for me too.
I often feel as though I need to make things happen because God wants to use me so I need to jump in and do the work He wants me to do. But ya know what? A builder doesn’t send his tools to a job and expect them to do the work. The builder has to use the tools. The builder holds onto the tools and guides them in what to do. My husband is a master carpenter, I can honestly say that if he told me he was sending his tools down to the job while he took the day off… I’m pretty sure I’d be making an appointment with the doctor.
So why do I feel so driven to run ahead of God and try to make things happen? I guess it’s like a plant thirsting for water, you can’t give it a dropper full and expect it will spring back to life. However, you can’t flood it either because it will be drowned. Just the right amount has to be given in the right amount of time. I’m thirsting to be accepted in this life by people whose love can be conditional, when my heavenly Father is trying to give me a steady drink of living water of which I will be filled and never thirst for anything else again. He is trying to pick up my dusty broken love cup and restore it, then fill it with His love that can never run dry. Oh, Father help me to know that the cup You drank from was so You could keep my cup filled. Friends, whatever emptiness you may be feeling, let God fill your cup with His word. John 4:14 says “but whoever drinks of the water I will give him will never be thirsty again, the water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
If we let God fill our cups, they will remain full. If we count on Facebook likes or followers to fill our cups, they will need filling over and over and over again. I am learning this lesson and God has so much for me to learn, understand and accept. I want to drink from His cup and nothing else. Don’t you?